I've been hearing a lot about summertime flings and Cosmopolitan just published an article with expert opinions on why people, mostly men stray during the summertime. I guess Eddie Cochran was right when he said, "There ain't no cure for the summertime blues."
"Guys are more prone to being
summertime two-timers because they're more likely to stray in general,"
says New York therapist, datinggroup.com Diana Kirschner, PhD, who is also an author,
founding member of the editorial board, and contributor to the Journal of
Couples Therapy.
Daniel Kruger, PhD, an evolutionary
psychologist at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor, has found that many
men have the attitude that during the summer months the usual rules don't
apply. Says Kruger,
"Some men take this to mean
that it's okay to cheat once the hot weather rolls around. They think, 'Oh, it's
just a summer fling,' as if normal couple behavior is on hiatus."
In the summer people are more
social (I won't talk about that one time in Cancun, if you know what I mean). Datinggroup Bob from
Grapevine, TX told me that at one bachelor party trip he went to in Las Vegas,
it was the married men that were mostly getting naughty with the strippers not
the single men. Kruger continues, "With more people in a friendly, even
flirty mood coming out to socialize, there's a larger market of women to mingle
with and, thus, increased chances for a man (or woman) to be unfaithful."
Many people, men in particular,
also associate summertime with adventure. Helen Fisher, PhD, biological
anthropologist, research professor at Rutgers University in New Jersey, and
author of Why We Love, explains, "Now is the time when you're more apt to
try something new, and any novelty increases your body's production of
dopamine, which triggers the release of testosterone - two chemicals associated
with energy, elation, and sex."
Can you tell if your partner is
cheating?
Does he or she invite you to work
events or events where other coworkers' partners are attending? "Not
inviting you Eharmoney implies
that they don't want their coworkers to know they have a partner so that they
can flirt with someone else," says Kirschner.
Is he or she taking more than a
quick glance? It's OK to take a peek but let's not overdo it. It's a sign they
are not concerned with appearing faithful and may be open to playing
around," says Kirschner.
Is vacation time from work going to
be used for guys only or girls only trip and no time is set aside for you? It
gives your partner a chance to mess around out of town where you won't find
out. Are they spending a lot of time at the gym, at the tanning salon/laser
hair removal or otherwise spending way too much time and attention on their
body? Its beach season, the heat and the sun means less clothes and more skin
exposed. "If he gets obsessive about waxing his back hair or lifting
weights at the gym, his MO may be to attract other women," says Kirschner
If there are any of these tip-offs
- communicate with your partner. They might not admit anything but they may let
you know that they are bored.
So do you want to save your
marriage? Your relationship? Prevent divorce? Every relationship can be saved.
It's a lot easier than you think.
What would a single mother like me know about saving your relationship? A lot.
I have been cheated on and I have been through hell with divorce. Believe me
you don't want to divorce. Many of the telltale signs I mentioned earlier was
exactly what me ex husband did. I was in denial about all of it. So don't go
there - Below are some tips and some resources I wish I had for saving my
marriage. Get your ex back NOW!
Did you know that most
relationships CAN be salvaged? You may find it difficult to believe that almost
every break up for whatever reason...infidelity, plain old lost passion, loss
of interest, a stolen heart and worse...even the worst situations you can
imagine...like men serving prison sentences have salvaged their relationships.
Yes, even Ex-cons have got back together with girlfriends and wives after being
away for years! You can too!
Here's how you can save your
relationship or get your ex back. Don't divorce or even think about creating
your online dating profile - most people don't want to be YOUR rebound or fling
anyway.
Top 10 Ways to Save Your
Relationship
1. Communicate and act like they
are your number one priority
2. Learn about your lover's
interests and participate and support those interests
3. Profess to others about your
relationship
4. Show appreciation for your
partner - even if they may leave
5. Lead by example and show more
love and appreciation. Give them time to reciprocate instead of expecting them
to follow suit.
6. Take some time from other
responsibilities to spend time with your partner
7. Get the adrenaline pumping by
playing competitive games, sports, puzzles with your partner
8. Compliment genuinely every now
and then
9. Don't look needy or desperate
10. Learn to love yourself
There are more things you can do to
save your relationship or if they have already left or strayed, you can still
get them back.
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