Many wives who are getting ready to confront their husband about his affair anticipate lies, half truths, or out and out denials. Bumble.com Reviews Many assume that even if their husband surprises them and tells some version of the truth, this version is going to be watered down, on meant to diminish the reality of the affair.
That's why some wives are very
shocked when their husband gives an attempt at honesty - brutally honest, in
fact - about the affair. Here's what I mean. You might hear a wife say: "I
knew that my husband was cheating for almost six weeks before I confronted him.
During that time, I gathered my evidence. Because of this, I knew a lot about
the other woman. Still, I expected him to lie to me. I didn't know if he was
going to deny the whole thing. I figured he would have to be pretty stupid to try
that, considering how much evidence I had. But I did think that he would try to
lie about many of the details. I know that the other woman is younger,
prettier, and frankly, inappropriate for him, considering the age difference,
although they are certainly both adults. And I really did not expect for him to
admit to this. Bumble But he
did. As soon as I confronted him, he admitted everything. He told me her age
without my asking. He told me what hotels they went to and how often. He told
me what the attraction was that she was playful and adventurous. He even said
that sometimes, he fantasized about running away with her, but he admitted that
he knew this wouldn't happen because she was way out of his league and did not
want anything permanent. Many of my friends say it is a good sign that he was
immediately willing to be brutally honest. They say this shows that he
ultimately wants to do the right thing. And he is telling me that he wants to
save our marriage. But part of me thinks that his 'honesty' was only meant to
hurt me. Maybe he is kind of proud that he cheated with a younger woman and got
to be sexually adventurous. One of my friends say that maybe my husband is
trying to 'get back at me' for something. But honestly, I can't imagine what.
I've been a good wife. I've never cheated on him. There would not be anything
to get back at me for. Bumble.com So why
would a man be brutally honest about the affair?" I'll go over some
possible reasons below and offer some tips on how you might tell which is most
likely for your husband.
It May Be A Way To Brag: I am going
to mention this first because I think that it is the least likely scenario and
I will tell you why in a minute. Some men do the "brutal honestly"
thing in order to sort of brag. They want you to know that they were able to
attract someone younger. Many will even go so far as to insinuate that the
other woman wanted a future with them. And yet, they chose their wives. (This
is meant to make you want them, despite their infidelity.) However, your
husband downplayed this aspect. Even though he admitted to perhaps wanting
more, he admitted that the other woman was out of his league and wouldn't have
gone for that. This is why I think that this scenario isn't as likely.
It May Be A Way To Hurt: Some men
will use "honestly" to bring about comparisons between the other
woman and yourself. And these, comparisons do not always come off as
flattering. These husbands want you to know that the other woman weighed less
than you or was younger. These are the husbands that won't reassure you that
they still find you beautiful and attractive. These are not the husbands who will
fight for their marriage. These are the husbands who act as if their behavior
is justifiable. These are the husbands who act as if all men cheat and that you
should just get over it. The husband in question does not appear to fit into
this scenario, either.
Media And Pop Culture Has Lead Us
To Believe That 'Brutal Honesty' Is The Only Way To Go: In today's society,
there truly is not much modesty or privacy. Thanks to reality TV, people tend
to have far less discretion. They seem to think that it is healing to tell
everything. Your husband may be responding to this societal norm.
He May Think That Full Disclosure
Will Help Him Save His Marriage: To be fair, there is a perception that brutal
honesty is necessary after an affair. It's thought that in order to restore the
trust, you need to have enough courage to tell everything. And there is some
validity to this. Frankly, it sometimes takes a lot of courage to tell this
type of truth. He knew that you were going to be angry and hurt. He might even
have gotten away with a lie or two. But he didn't attempt it. And the reason
may have been that he purposely wanted to be honest with you, even if this
didn't paint him in the best light.
You know your husband better than I
do and you have a better view of his behavior from day to day. You have to ask
yourself if what he "lets slip" or "discloses" is mean
spirited, said out of spite, said in a boastful tone, or is just meant to
honestly answer the questions that you've asked. As you examine his behaviors
over time, this generally will become pretty obvious. Because you are not just
listening to his words. You are also watching for his behaviors.
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