I get a decent amount of correspondence about revenge after an affair. Sometimes, the faithful spouse wants to (or is considering) doing something to get revenge. Other times, they are feeling the urge to want revenge MeetMe.com Reviews but they are trying desperately to resist that urge because they know that it is not really going to help anything.
Other times, I hear from the
cheating spouse who is scared of revenge or who thinks that they might be
seeing vengeful behavior (even if their spouse denies this.) Here is an
example. A husband might say: "I really can not effectively tell you how
sorry I am that I cheated on my wife. I really don't know what I was thinking.
And in fact I probably wasn't thinking clearly at all. I believe that my
children are the only reason that my wife did not leave me. But although she's
still here, at times she looks at me with pure hatred. Her opinion of me has
obviously changed. Where she used to respect me, now she acts as if I have low
morals and am just a jerk. She doesn't really listen when I talk and half the
time she rolls her eyes at me and doesn't even try to engage me with conversation.
For the past three weeks, she has been spending a lot of time with a male
coworker. I didn't say anything at first because she gets mad at me so easily.
Plus I thought it would hypocritical of me to insinuate that I don't want her
to have male friends when I am the one who had an affair. But last night we
were spending time with our kids and the guy called. So I lost patience and
asked her about it. She said that it was her job to train the guy at work and
that they had become 'close.' She says he makes her laugh and feel good in a
way she hasn't for a long time. I got flustered and asked her if she thought
that the relationship had crossed a line and had become an emotional affair.
She got very angry. She said that MeetMe the last
thing she would do is start up an affair considering how my affair pretty much
ruined our lives. She said that she was not that stupid. But now I'm wondering
if perhaps she's started an emotional affair for revenge without even knowing
it. Is that possible?"
Anything is possible. As a spouse
who has been cheated on, I can tell you that there is a vulnerability there.
Being cheated on makes you doubt yourself. It makes you wonder if anyone will
ever find you attractive again. It makes you wonder if everyone is going to see
you as damaged. So when a man show interest in you, allows you to confide in
him, and boosts your confidence, this can feel like a relief. It can feel as if
it's just MeetMe.com what
the doctor ordered. And if your spouse gets jealous and insecure, well, perhaps
he deserves it.
At the same time, I am only
speaking for myself when I say that although I would have welcomed any
attention, I would have never made my situation worse by actually cheating. Our
family life was so broken at the time that there was no way that I was going to
add to my problems by adding another infidelity into the mix. I was not in any
state to be in any sort of romantic relationship.
I'm not saying that this is how
your wife feels. I can't possibly know that. However, I also can tell you that
plenty of women have men friends at work, with there being nothing
inappropriate about it. Adults are capable of having friends of the opposite
sex without cheating. So your wife having a relationship with a male coworker
doesn't necessarily mean that you have anything to worry about.
Rather than accuse your wife of
something that might not be true and making her feel defensive, I would place
my focus on your marriage and your relationship with her rather than placing
your focus on her relationship with him. Because if you can work through the
issues and strengthen your marriage, then you will have more confidence that
you have nothing to worry about. And your wife won't have the need to get her
emotional needs met elsewhere.
She may not even be consciously
trying to do anything inappropriate. She may just be finding relief in having
someone to interact with. And it may be nothing to worry about. But, if it
gives you a bad feeling, there is nothing wrong with trying to bump up your
attempts to improve your marriage and to strengthen your intimacy as quickly as
you can. The sooner she is getting her emotional needs met by you, the sooner
she will no longer need to get it from someone else, assuming that's what is
happening right now. That said, it's possible that you are very sensitive about
something that is innocent due to the affair.
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